Heartache
by iMissNothing
Summary: Karins thoughts on Sasuke and Sakura


I couldn't pin point the exact moment I realized I loved him. In a romanticized reality I could easily claim it was the first time I laid eyes on him. He had seemed like some sort of knight in shining armour to my twelve year old self. After being abandoned by the scum designated as my teammates I had crossed paths with a monsterous beast nearly as tall as the very trees which surrounded me. The vicious creature was resemblant of a wild bear and had appeared indominatble. After tripping over the root of some sapling or another, my glasses slipping from the bridge of my nose, I was resigned to accept my death at the claws of the mutated creature. My hopelessness was halted upon hearing a foreign battle cry and pained groan emanating from the mighty beast. I had waited a beat before I felt confident that I would not be clawed to death before blindly pawing at the ground before me in search of my spectacles. Upon situating my frames I was greeted with the sight of the most beautiful boy I had ever laid eyes on. He stood atop the mass of fur and teeth with an unphased disposition and passivity that bordered on arrogance. As though he had not conquered the raging titan of a bear moments before. A smirk that could be regarded by some as cocky was splayed across his handsome features, and in my eyes he appeared surreal. As if he had waltzed right off the pages of a fairytale. A dashing prince sent to rescue the damsel in distress at the very last second. I dazily recalled him speaking a few words before disappearing into the forestry as if he was never there. However, I was far too enraptured by his aristocratic features and my own girlish fantasies to recall what they were.

The following years I had replayed the encounter in my mind countless times. I knew not the name of my heroic saviour, but he had become the focal point of my day dreams. I would fantasize of the day he would miraculously appear before me. Sweeping me off my feet and proclaiming his undying love for my awkward, gangly adolescent self.

It wasn't until I was fourteen that I encountered the object of my fantasies once again. I had nearly fainted at the sight of him traipsing through the halls of Orochimaru's lair. At first I had believed myself to be daydreaming. Perhaps my fanatical obsession had manifested into full blown hallucinations. But there he was. He had only grown more handsome with age and it sparked a renewed desire in a horomonal tidal wave of prepubescent lust.

It was borderline miraculous that our paths should once again intertwine and I had chalked it up as a sign from a higher power we were fated to be together. This assumption became solidified in my mind when he later asked me to accompany him on his quest to avenge his clan. I rarely saw him under his apprenticeship with Orochimaru and I was quick to grasp the opportunity to be close to him.

Looking back I was embarrassingly obvious in my affections for him. Clinging to him every chance I got and practically salivating in his mere presence. He would rarely acknowledge my advances and when he did it was with irritation and contempt. On the best of days he would tolerate my attempts to hang off of his arm and orchestrate schemes to isolate the two of us from the rest of our party.

Not once did he reciprocate my attention, consistently remaining stoic and professional. His only interests remained those applicable to his mission and he seldom acted upon anything that was not deemed to be in the advancement of such. Yet despite his frigidity I remained enamoured. It was wickedly cruel how the gods would grant such an achingly beautiful face to a man ignorant to any sort of romance. I appeased myself with the knowledge that despite his rejection I was the only female he acknowledged.

That was until I encountered her. Sasuke rarely spoke of his past and most of our teams background knowledge was foggy and speculative at best. We were aware he had had a former team from his time in Konoha yet he seemed to be intent on dismissing the subject and avoiding any possible grounds for an encounter. It should not have come as a surprise that he would have had another female teammate, it was fairly common amoungst ninja squads after all. But the idea of another girl present in his past stung all the same. Had she loved him too? Did he acknowledge her the same way as me? Was she more significant to him than I was ?

The very idea hurt. And the reality was far worse.

When I first saw her I instantly hated her. He had betrayed me and tossed me aside like trash but my love for him still burned. He had become twisted and an evil shadow of the man I once knew but I still loved him. Upon seeing a girl who shared that same love, even on my death bed I felt a bitter distaste for the girl. The connection between the two was obvious even from a distance. The way they spoke and their very body language silently told of a deep and complex history.

She was undeniably beautiful as if to add insult to injury. She was a petite girlish thing with bright doe eyes and exotic features. I hated her skin the most. It was pale and smooth, uncommonly unblemished for a ninja. I felt sick at the thought of comparing it to my own. Forever marred by the indents of teeth. It was a gruesome sight, scarred and painted with the molars and bicuspids of wicked evil men. It served as a reminder of my past giving me a strong resolve on the best of days and crippling insecurity on the worst. I stewed in envy at the sight of perfectly maintained porcelain flesh, and my ire only grew as I watched the man who encompassed my heart regard the pretty kunoichi. I had never hated my gift for being attuned to chakra nature more than in that moment. I resented the way her chakra seemed to soothe all that it encompassed. I felt betrayed by my own body in the comfort being in her presence brought me. And I felt a raging jealousy at the way it seemed to have the same effect on Sasuke. In all my years being in the presence of his chakra I had never once seen the volatile nature be quelled by anything. Even in the vicious madness being projected from his figure the tainted dark energy seemed to unconsciously become docile from the calming green whisps she exuded.

I hated the way she affected him. I hated the way she looked more like an ethereal nymph of spring than I hardened ninja. More than anything I hated the bubbling feelings of sympathy and gratitude I felt as she healed my injuries while weeping with heartbreak I was all too familiar with. Because try as I might I couldn't really hate her at all.

In the years after the war I discovered she was irritatingly kind as she was pretty. She excelled as a healer and a ninja, even fighting alongside him to bring an end to the war. I begrudgingly admitted that had I not considered her a rival in love we would have gotten along famously. She had a pure soul but possessed a tendency to be a spitfire with a resolve of steel. I hated that some part of me liked her and I hated that deep down I knew she was perfect. Perfect for him.

It killed me to know that despite my unshakeable affection, despite my blinding love that willed me to throw myself head first into danger in an effort to protect him, it all seemed to pale in comparison to his bond with her. It would take a fool not to notice he treated her differently than the rest. He was more patient and tolerant of her than I had ever seen him being with any one else. She seemed to operate under a different set of rules than the rest of us. Her words carried weight, her feelings considered and somehow seemed to exist under Sasukes wing of protection.

Even at his darkest point his chakra seemed to work against him at the idea of harming her. Even a blind man could see that to him she was special. I was not blind nor a fool. It killed me that another could bring him such peace and contentment that I could not. While I wished it was me that did, I had grown to love him far too much to interfere with his happiness.

I had confronted her once. Told her of my feelings, although I suspected she had always known. Even as i presented myself as a challenger for Sasuke's affection I was well aware that it was a pointless and inconsequential admission. The two of them had grown closer to a keen observer such as myself. It was not blatantly obvious as Sasuke was a reserved type of person. An outsider might have regarded the two of them as simply close team mates or familiar comrades. But to those that knew Sasuke, it was clear that something was different. However despite the futility of it all she had given me a firm nod and acknowledged me as a rival. It was a respect that I did not deserve and had I been a lesser woman I would have begged on my knees at her feet for her to give up on Sasuke. She occupied a place within Sasuke I could not hope to reach. A small part untouched by others and encased in his heart. Yet still I denied the inevitability of it all and like a fool, clung to the hope that my suspicions were merely unsalvaged.

To my extreme annoyance it had been Suigetsu that had alerted me of their connection. I was well aware that they had a bond but from what I could tell it seemed to be lingering in the nature of platonic. Sasuke was traveling through the nations on a journey of redemption, rarely visiting his home village. Perhaps once every year or so, and even then the visits rarely lasted more than a week. By that point I had left the village myself. Seeing no need to stick around after Sasuke's release. Suites and I had once again taken up with Orochimaru, newly reformed by the events of the war. He could hardly be considered morally good. His practices still hindered on ethically ambiguous, but he had yet to inspire significant uproar amongst the villages. Seemingly content with experimenting with the oddities he cam across, a far cry from his former twisted operations and plotting a take over of the Leaf village. But the man was a slippery and crafty individual, he would show you what he wanted you to see and nothing else.

I normally conducted my own research projects and he seemed content to let me use his facilities. Suigetsu was often hired as an errand boy for fetching some scroll or herb here and there. The fish faced annoyance was still actively pursuing his goal of obtaining the swords belonging to some warrior group from mist. I thought it a stupid idea to dedicate your life to dumb hunks of metal, but was I really any better dedicating my heart to a man who loved another.

I had always suspected something deeper between the two than what was shown on the surface. I had spent some time in Konoha during Sasuke's initial imprisonment and after his release. I watched the stolen glances between the two, mostly on her part. I watched how he hovered over her like a watch dog ensuring the safety of its master. I saw the look of contentment he would have in her presence where the lines of his furrowed brow would erase and the characteristic tightness in his jaw would relax. I had brushed the signs off as being nostalgia and comfortable familiarity, but in the back of my mind I knew I was wrong.

The glaring obvious signal I could no longer ignore had come when Suigtesu paid my a visit at one of Orochimaru's labs.

"Hey four eyes! Look what I found roaming around the border!"

I had whipped around intending to curse him out for disrupting my work, but the irritation I felt evaporated when I saw who he was with.

"Sasuke!" I screeched, launching myself towards him, only to be meet with apathy and disregard. I didn't let it bother me, he had always been cold.

My heart swelled as I took him in. He had only grown more beautiful with age. He was a fully matured man, and it suited him well.

"Seems like I'm running into all the members of team 7 lately." Suigetsu remarked as he unbuckled his sword to lean it against the wall. He rolled his shoulders at being freed from the burden and I faintly thought that he was an imbecile for carting around such a large clunky sword with him everywhere.

"Ran into that Naruto fella a few days ago. Man can that guy talk your ear off." He groaned. I heard Sasuke let out a small amused scoff at the mention of his chatty team mate.

"Now you know how it felt being stuck with you all those years!" I hissed in Suigetsu's direction. He shot me a pouty glare that was more befitted for a toddler than a grown man, before continuing his babbling. I swore that he just sometimes liked to hear the sound of his own voice.

"That little kunoichi was with him too. You know cute little thing, pink hair." At this I watched as Sasuke's ears seemed to perk up and a sour look took over his features. Suigetsu being the idiot he was clearly did not realize he was treading on thin ice at the mention of the medic ninja and continued to ramble away. Oblivious to the other mans bubbling irritation.

"I had hurt my arm and she fixed it up real good." At his words I noticed the faint bruising around his left fore arm and felt a sick sort of glee at the thought of the bastard getting knocked around a bit.

"Wouldn't mind playing doctor with her. Those legs of hers-"

Before the sharped toothed idiot could finish his thought he was cut off by a force slamming him against the nearest wall and a hand wrapped tightly around his throat cutting off his speech.

I jumped at the sudden confrontation, the speed of Sasuke's aggression was startling. Pinning the other man within an instant. Suigetsu looked equally as shocked before a nervousness took over his features. He was now quite aware that he had committed a grievous faux-pas in mentioning Sakura so crassly in Sasuke's presence. The man was truly intimidating when he wanted to be. Holding Suigetsu in his grip like a cat who had caught a rat, he resembled the angry and brutal leader we once knew. His eyes had begun to bleed red as he stared at Suigetsu with distaste. His foreboding chakra filled the room and only added to the tense atmosphere.

"Stay away from her." He growled lowly. Staring into the other ninja with his cursed eyes that most did not live long enough to recall encountering. His tone may have sounded relatively calm to anyone else given the situation. But we had known him long enough to know that that tone held a sinister quality to it.

It was clear Sasuke did not enjoy Suigetsu's appraisal of his former team mate. Perhaps understandably so. Suigetsu was a particularly vicious killer. His easy-going attitude masked a twisted nature. He was sadistic in incapacitating his enemies, dismembering them with enthusiasm and amusement. Sasuke was familiar with this darker side of Suigetsu and did not want it anywhere near the little ninja with pink hair and big doe green eyes.

I had rarely seen Sasuke react so strongly to something as small as the boggling of a team mate. Lord knows Suigetsu had made more lecherous remarks about me. Yet Sasuke had not so much as batted an eye at our squabbling. His aggression was not some chivalrous code he felt he needed to uphold. This was personal. Sakura was a subject that was not to be touched upon by our team.

We were a team of murders and sinners, and did not belong in the realm of his altruistic do gooder Konoha ninja. Sasuke was making a point to let Suigetsu know to back off. Perhaps not so much in regards to Naruto. As he hadn't reacted with more than a smirk at the mention of the blonde. Sakura however remained sacred ground.

I felt a twist in my gut at the implications of Sakura being a sensitive topic for Sasuke. I recalled with newly found bitterness that she seemed to operate under a different set of rules than the rest of those around him. She had been placed on a pedestal none of us could reach because it had been built solely for her. Those that tried to shake the pedestal or drag her down to wallow amongst the rest of us were subject to a fate similar to Suigetsu's. Perhaps less kind if the perpetrator was not a former team mate of Sasuke's.

After a moment of being stilled by fear at Sasuke's words, Suigetsu regained his bluster and smirked at the Uchiha, hoping to hide the effect that his anger had on him. He let his body dissolve into water, slipping through the grasp of Sasuke's fingers. Only to emerge behind his attacker looking as cocky and impudent as ever.

Suites knew he had crossed a line, but his sense of self preservation was outweighed by his desire to see just how far he could push the patience of this newly reformed Sasuke.

"Well you can't blame me she has a great as-"

His sentence ended in his own shriek of pain as he found his recently healed arm bent at an unnatural angle. The movement was far too quick for the human eye to follow as Sasuke didn't seem to have moved from his spot.

"FUCK! FUCK! GOD DAMMIT SASUKE I WAS ONLY KIDDING! FUCK! YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO BREAK MY ARM! JESUS FUCK!" The Nukenin hollered in pain gripping his throbbing lim that now looked grotesque and swollen. Sasuke seemed unfazed at his cries and merely glanced down at the white haired man in agony. Giving him the famous Uchiha glare he simply said;

"Stay away from her Suigetsu. I won't be as kind a third time."

With that he exited the lab leaving no trace he had been there other than a fractured limb attached to a wailing idiot who couldn't learn to hold his tongue.

Sasuke did not break peoples limbs on the basis of petty locker-room talk. Even at his most bloodthirsty stages he wouldn't have sought to attack his team mates over sheer words. Sakura was something special to Sasuke and it left me feeling hollow and melancholic, staring at the door through which he had made his departure.

It was in that moment I was made to truly acknowledge that he would never be mine.

Tears had begun to well up in my eyes at the brutal slap of reality. My heart that was once ticking up a thunderstorm in his presence was now throbbing with a dull ache. I felt ohysichally sick and wanted nothing more than to lock the doors of my lab and never return to the outside world. Isolating myself from anyone that could hurt me again the way he had.

"ARE YOU GOING TO JUST STAND THERE OR HELP ME FIX THIS FUCKING THING! Redemption my ass! He's just as much of a vicious bastard as he was then! GOD DAMN THIS HURTS! SHIT! Remind me to never mention his little girlfriend again! I didn't even think he liked girls to being with, the cold hearted prick!"

"FIX IT YOURSELF YOU IDIOT I'VE GOT WORK TO DO!" I snapped at the annoyance cradling his arm on my lab floor.

"Don't be such a bitch! This shit really hurts!"

"IT'S YOUR OWN DAMN FAULT!"

"MY FAULT?!" He shouted affronted at the very idea. "How was I supposed to know mentioning Pinky would set him off!?"

"I wouldn't let him hear that little nick-name if I were you, he might still be nearby." I scoffed in his direction. As much of an idiot as he may be he had the decency to look frightened, glancing at the door before turning back to shoot me and a glare continuing to badger me about his broken appendage. Growing fed up with his whining and refusal to leave alone to stew in my bitterness, I conceded to fixing his arm.

"I hope your little remark was worth it. This will need at least a month in a sling to set properly." I scolded as a began to tie a splint to his fore-arm.

"I was only poking fun. I wasn't exactly expecting him to react that badly." He replied with irritation lacing his tone.

"Only an idiot wouldn't have known he'd react badly!" I hissed back flicking his injury. He gave a yelp of pain and it made me feel slightly better. It was true. Sasuke practically exuded hostility at the men brave or foolish enough to approach her. I had once seen an odd looking fellow in a green jumpsuit approach the girl in Sasuke's presence. From a distance one could see the boy was smitten with the pinkette, but as a ninja with an affinity for chakra only I could see the rolling thunder clouds of agitated energy coming from the Uchiha at her side. He had appeared visibly annoyed with the enamoured mans presence but the hostile nature of his chakra was well masked to the untrained eye.

"Rest assured I won't be making that mistake twice. Pinky's cute and all but no amount of tail is worth getting in Sasuke's cross hairs. I pity the fool who makes that mistake."

Internally I thought that I pitied myself more. I was the fool who fell for a hopeless case.

"You must be pretty bummed out after that little display. Your little crush seems to have a sweet spot for that leaf ninja. A very sensitive sweet spot." he grimaced looking down at the painful outcome his teasing provoked.

"W-what do I care!? She's just his old team mate. Their friends. And who would want you harassing some poor girl, you lecher!"

I cared very much. She was more than his team mate. It wouldn't matter who was ogling her, because it was her.

I wondered what exactly it was that he saw in her that he didn't in myself. Sure she was pretty but so were many others who had approached him. She was a skilled ninja, but I could claim the same in my own right. I played with the idea that maybe he had a type. Although if I imagined such she would not have been pink haired and pixie-esque. She was gentle and kind, but by no means a demure wall flower that men seemed to gravitate towards. She was abrasive and had spirit. Could even be intimidating by some standards. She would undoubtably seek a man who matched her strength, was able to be a contender on the level she played at.

I scoffed at my train of thought. Sasuke was definitely well matched for her. It was aggravating to picture them together, but at the same time it seemed inherently right. At first glance they were clearly opposites, but somehow fit together perfectly. As if they balanced each other out. He was introverted and somber, while she was boisterous and chipper. His very appearance was dark and refined. Completely in contrast to the bright colours littered about her. Her features were disproportionate. Overly large eyes rested lower than usual upon her face, giving her brow a larger quality. The recently acquired diamond that marked the middle of her brow suited her nicely as if it was meant to be there. The tiny speck of lavender adding another shade to her already vibrant palate. Her nose was small and delicate but transitioned smoothly into her cupids bow that hovered over soft peach lips. Her mouth was relatively small when examined closely but her lips were nicely shaped and plump enough to account for their small size. Yet despite the fickleness of her individual attributes they seemed to blend together seamlessly in a way that was not unattractive. If anything the uniqueness only made her more beautiful. She was uncommonly short and looked fragile if one had yet to see those tiny fists uproot the earth and shatter boulders. Her small frame had granted her no bodacious assets to speak of, but had they it would have seemed disproportionate to her tiny figure. I felt a smidgen of petty satisfaction that my own curves were more prominent than her own. While my bust was not excessively large, it was still noticeable and allowed for cleavage should I desire it.

I gave a bitter chuckle at my silly sense of accomplishment. Larger breasts were hardly relevant if the one I wanted to notice them never looked my way. I allowed myself to imagine his silhouette. He was staggeringly tall with broad shoulders that gave way to biceps lined with muscle built from long hours of training. He couldn't be considered buff but he was a far cry from being skinny. His body was toned and agile, built for speed. Although he still possessed enough brawn to appear well built and muscular to anyone who cared to look. And many people had definitely looked. I despised the frivolous girls who salivated over his presence in the towns they passed through. The gaggles of women would crane their necks in appreciation and clamour to gain his attention. Some had been plain, some had been beautiful. But Sasuke had never so much as glanced their way. I had never seen him take interest in any of the women throwing themselves at his feet. It made me feel superior to be the one to stand along side him while others looked on in envy. I now pitied the poor sods because I now felt empathetic to their jealous stares. I was now the one looking on with envy.

Jealousy ripped through me picturing them side by side. His frame towered over her own, staring down with the gaze of a watchful protector. While she gazed up at him through eyes the bled affection and trust. Trust that he would be there to protect her no matter the circumstance. it seemed to be a natural dynamic for the two. Built off of years of inhabiting the same team.

Seasick never spoke to us about his former team and we never asked, sensing that it was a taboo subject. Although seeing the three of them reunited during the war it was not difficult to pick up on the inner workings of heir trio. During the war I had watched their reunion with many others, witnessing the spectacle of a new generation of sanin. The two shinobi had charged in to fray of battle, leaving their female companion behind to sit at the sidelines. The now revered loud-mouthed blonde would occasionally look back to glance at her as if to ensure she was safe. From what I could gather this had been a standard practice for them. Protecting the girl of their team so she wouldn't have to face the dangers the propelled themselves into. It became apparent however that she no longer wished to abide by this dynamic and soon followed her teammates into battle wielding a monstrous strength in her little fist. The flow of the two boys battle seemed to stutter after witnessing her launch a creature ten times her size zooming past them with a single blow. Her comrades came to a complete halt when she leaped past them and exploded the very ground they stood upon, crushing the earth in the wake of her fist. I felt an admiration for the woman as I watched dozens of creature go flying into the crater she created. The earth rumbled like an earthquake had begun and a cloud of dust formed around the destruction.

Those watching looked stunned at the display of brute strength coming from such a tiny girl. Sasuke and Naruto had not been immune to the general sense of awe and confoundedness plague the air. Things seemed to have to come to a halt all around. The two men staring dumbly at one another as the dust cleared revealing their teammate. I vaguely recall the First Hokage jovially exclaiming that her strength rivalled her mentors. While the crowd gathered their bearings I looked to see the two previously stiff males gathering simultaneous attacks. Squinting to see farther ahead I saw that Sakura had landed directly infant of a gargantuan beast that dwarfed the other already formidable monsters. However, despite its size it was little cause for concern as the two men, seeing their teammate in danger launched their attacks towards it. Knowing the power beheld by the two shinobi I calculated that a single attack would have been enough to take out the titan that towered over their teammate. Yet neither one had bothered to stop from forming a jutsu despite the latter already having done so. The quick response to seeing her in danger had trigged an instinctual response in both men. The same way a ninja would be trained to shoot a kunai after hearing a noise in the brush of the forest.

Their swift reaction to eliminate the source of danger that had threatened her had given me a framework to later dismiss Sasuke's mother hen like behaviour for her as instinct birthed from their days as genin. I tried to disillusion myself into believing that he considered her as a little sister. A platonic bond that could be equated to siblings. He watched over her as an older brother might watch over a younger sister.

But siblings did not stare at each other the way they did. It was painfully obvious that she held feelings for him. From the moment I played eyes upon her I knew she shared the same heart ache I did that came with loving Sasuke. In Konoha I had watched her cast longing glances at him when she assumed no one was looking. She sometimes seemed tense around him as though she were fighting with herself. Wrestling to hold her self back from relishing in his company. Trying to remain reserved when all she desired was to be as close to him as possible. It was a complex array of internal strife I was familiar with. Her eyes glazed over with affection when she watched him. Trying not blatantly stare at him lest he notice her gaze.

What she was unaware of however was that on the rare occasion I found him glancing at her too. She never noticed and I wouldn't be surprised to learn that he was unaware he was doing it himself. But I saw them. They were few and far between granted, but they were there. Walking the streets I would see him gazing at the base of her neck. Looking at the collar of her shirt as though imagining something there that only he could see. I had once walked in on the two of them while he was imprisoned. I had come to visit his cell and celebrate his upcoming release when I saw she was already present.

She was sitting with her back leaning up against the bars that encaged him. Her eyes were closed, looking at ease in his presence as she murmured in soft tones about nothing in particular. In my earlier visits I had always found him seated in the darkest far corner his cell provided, blindfolded and bound by a jacket used typically for mental patients. I would speak to him in an effort to get a response, hoping he would reply. But he never said a word to me I wasn't entirely sure he had even listened to what it was I saying. His face was never turned in my direction, not that it would have mattered considering the seal placed over his eyes. After stumbling upon her sitting at the edge of his cell I was shocked to see that he had left his preferred corner and was also leaning against the bars of his cell. His back was nearly adjacent to her own sitting a enough to the left that he was not leaning against her, but enough that their shoulders brushed against one another with every breath they took. I couldn't make out what it was she was saying from her soft cadence but I was able to hear a soft 'Hn.' emerge from the back of his raspy throat in-between the pauses of her conversation. I had debated with myself as to whether or not I should disrupt the atmosphere between the two and bring their moment to an abrupt end. With my handle on the door I braced myself to push it open. Then I noticed his chakra. The last time I had been this close to it was during his fit of insanity and then after during the war. My last recollections of it were a brooding a malevolent energy agitated and poised to strike at its users will. Feeling it now I could hardly believe it was emanating from the same person. The seals had suppressed it some but the essence of it was still there. It was no longer agitated or vicious. Even during the beginning of mine time with Sasuke it had always been stirring and jagged. Never quite at peace, constantly restless and prepared to attack. It was a dense chakra by nature but now it seemed inexplicably lighter. It no longer anxiously whirled about, exuding its pressure upon the environment. Like a brewing storm, circling overhead and rumbling with the promise of thunder and lightening. It seemed to have settled into a calming pattern, that drifted in confined lazy circles as though a soft breeze carried it. The buzzing unrest at its centre was non existent and it seemed to flow through his system like a syrup being poured over a fresh stack of pancakes.

I could not make out his expression with his back turned, but I knew if i could remove the seal over his eyes I would see a face of relaxation and contentment. His very posture was contradictory to what I had know to be his nature. He had always had a rigid posture akin to those birthed in noble families. Back straight and shoulders stiff no matter where he was inhabiting. Looking at him now he had let the steel bars carry most of his weight. Legs outstretched and shoulders slouched to accommodate the award position he had chosen to rest himself. Appearing content as he listened to lulls and dips of Sakura's voice. I still sometimes wondered what it was she was saying that had put him so at ease in the gloomy walls of his dingy cell. Perhaps I pondered that it was not what she was saying, merely that she was the one saying it. I left them be that day.

It was rare to see Sasuke so peaceful. I couldn't bring myself to disturb that peace even if it was another woman giving it to him. I loved him. I truly did. Not the selfish kind of love where I needed him to simply be with me regardless of his own happiness or not. The love I held was the love that allowed me to be happy if he was happy. Even if it was not a happiness he found with me. The thought of him with her nearly killed me. But I knew at the same time he was not meant for me. The completed each other in a way that was unique from most. Their relationship was not a simple one. It couldn't be with a man like Sasuke. They were complex. Filled with jagged pieces that didn't seem to fit together at all but somehow made a beautiful picture.

When they had shown up to my laboratory years later, her with a swollen abdomen carrying his child and him hovering over with a weightlessness and light I had never seen before, I could not bring myself to be surprised. It took every ounce of willpower I possessed not to break down into anguishing sobs as I looked upon the newly happy family. I longed with every vestige of my being to be in her place. Exhausted and haggard holding his child while he looked on with what could only be described as love in his eyes. I felt like an outsider witness to a private moment in their picturesque family. I was an intruder penetrating the bubble they had created. Only able to watch through a window into their idealic world.

Yet in that moment with the cries of a newborn wailing through the air I could not feel bitter or resentful. I loved him. More than anything on this earth. I would probably always love him. To me his happiness was enough. Even if it was not with me.


End file.
